The Manipulator and The Cheat
by Ebenbild
Summary: "Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus – Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon. I always wondered why the Founders decided to ensure that exactly this piece of advice would survive time..." Well, maybe the Headmaster and Snape would be the ones to find out one day...


Author's Note: Written for Round 13 for Season 6 of the QLFC

Round 13: **Trick or Treat!**

Team: Pride of Portree

Position: Chaser 2

Prompt: Trick: _Leprechaun: Write about someone who thrives on manipulating or cheating others._

Additional Prompts:

 _4\. (dialogue) "If you're the smartest person in the room, get out of there."_

 _10\. (quote) "Sometimes you lose the battle. But mischief always wins the war." - Alaska Young, Looking for Alaska by John Green_

 _15\. (sound) explosion_

Word Count: 2,986

Betas: Story Please, sekdaniels, Sehanine, crochetaway

Additional Author's Note:

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _: I'm too young to be Rowling so there is sadly no way Harry Potter is mine…_

" _ **J.K.**_ _Rowling's words/ wikia entries/ excerpts from the 1st (Philosopher's Stone), 2nd (Chamber of Secrets) ,4th (Goblet of Fire), 5th (Order of Phoenix) and 7th (Deathly Hallows) HP-_ _ **books."**_

xXxXxXxXxXxManipulatorxXxXxXxCheatxXxXxXxXxCheatxXxXxXxXxManipulatorxXxXxXxXxXxXx

sSsSsSsSs

 _ **THE MANIPULATOR AND THE CHEAT**_

sSs

 _ **"Gringotts,**_ _the wizard bank! Ain't no safer place. Not one. Except perhaps_ _ **Hogwarts."**_

 _xXx_

A week before the new school year started, an explosion rocked the castle grounds a second before the first enraged scream could be heard.

"Peeves!"

The poltergeist cackled.

"Yes, Your Battiness?" he asked, amused, and turned in the air.

The next moment, the future Potions Master of Hogwarts strode out of the castle, frothing.

"You!" he bellowed. "Do you have any idea what you have done?! Twenty-three hours of work – for nothing!"

The poltergeist just cackled some more.

"As if it would have ended in anything, Your Snappiness," the poltergeist countered with another cackle. "Even Peevsie knows, after all, that throwing some things into a pot while angry doesn't result in anything but a nice big explosion!"

"It's NOT a pot, you menace!" The future Potions Master countered heatedly. "And YOU actually have no idea–"

He stopped speaking when another explosion rocked the grounds.

"And that," Peeves said wisely. "Was your... 'potion'!"

Snape growled.

"Oh, stop growling, Your Battiness!" The poltergeist cackled. "It's not Peevsie's fault you're here, after all!"

"If it were, you would already be banished," the Potions Master countered. "Unlike with the Headmaster – you have no sway over my doings!"

At that, the poltergeist crooked his head.

"Ah," he said, not the least bit intimidated. "But the Headmaster does?"

"Yes," Snape said through gritted teeth. "He does."

The poltergeist just crooked his head further until he was upside-down in the air.

"But why, Peevsie wonders," he said. "What did the Headmaster actually do for you to accept a position here when even Peevsie knows that Your Snappiness hates children..."

"That doesn't concern you at all," Snape countered with narrowed eyes.

"Ah, no," Peeves agreed. "But Peevsie is interested. Why does Surly Snapey decide to accept a position he doesn't like after the Headmaster actually didn't manage to do what he promised? After all, Your Snappiness is a cheater – why not cheat this time around as well?"

"I... I've never cheated in my whole life!" Snape spat out in anger, his wand suddenly in his hand and raised at the poltergeist.

The poltergeist didn't look concerned at all.

"Oh," he said instead. "And I thought that lying to the Headmaster and making him think you regret when you don't just to get what you want is cheating..."

The poltergeist shrugged.

"My bad, Your Snarkiness," he said. "Peevsie will endeavour not to mention it again."

Then Peeves looked thoughtfully up towards the Headmaster's tower.

"Or don't you see it as cheating because it's your new master you're cheating on?" He said thoughtfully. "After the old one, Peevsie bets that His Battiness has no idea how to act around his new one – so he follows him like a sheep to slaughter... baa... baa!"

This time the Potions Master sent a spell after the poltergeist which he dodged expertly while cackling again.

"Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus, huh, Your Battiness?" the poltergeist asked, amused. "Too bad, you're actually more like a sheep than a dragon..."

Snape growled and shot another three spells at Peeves, all of them missing their mark thanks to the fast reflexes of the poltergeist.

"Not liking what Peevsie said, your Snappiness?" Peeves asked amused. "Poor, surly Snapey! Maybe you should actually try to be more than just a sheep if you don't want to be called one!"

"I'm NOT a sheep!"

The poltergeist just cackled again.

In that moment, Argus Filch rounded the corner.

"Who dares to make such a racket at this time of the night?" He asked, his eyes immediately settling on Peeves and Snape, but before he could even comprehend who he was seeing the poltergeist actually retreated.

"Ah," Peeves cackled. "It's time for Peevsie to leave, after all: If Peevsie's the smartest person in the room, he has to get out of there!"

With that, the poltergeist vanished, cackling, through the wall, unbothered by the spell hitting said wall just seconds later.

xXx

 _ **"We**_ _must unite inside [Hogwarts], or we'll crumble from_ _ **within."**_

xXx

"Headmaster! I don't care what you say! If I have to teach, I'm teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts and NOT Potions!"

"... I'm sorry, Severus, but that post is taken for this year already..."

Well, that didn't mean that Snape actually had to give up on it – he wasn't a sheep, after all!

xXx

 _ **Sometimes you lose the battle...**_

" _How do you always know what's going on, you menace?!"_

" _Ah, ah, Surly Snapey! Surely you don't expect old Peevsie to reveal his secrets, do you?"_

 _xXx_

 _ **"A**_ _ghost, as I trust that you are all aware by now, is the imprint of a departed soul left upon the_ _**earth..."**_

xXx

o

xXx

There was the sound of tapping on a glass, and then one of his valuable trinkets exploded in thousands of shards on his office floor.

He turned around, and then sighed.

"Peeves," he said a bit exasperated. "What are you doing in my office?"

The poltergeist frowned in mock-thoughtfulness at that.

"Maybe," he said. "Peevsie is here to find out what the Headmaster plans to do with His Snarkiness?"

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts frowned at that as well.

"My Snarkiness?" he asked, confused.

Peeves nodded with an expression that spoke of all mock seriousness he could manage.

"Of course, His Battiness," he agreed as if the Headmaster should know who he was talking about. "Peevsie saw the Headmaster send His Battiness out to play witch-hunter with the Ghost Poopers!"

Even that sentence took a minute or two for the Headmaster to translate.

"I didn't send Severus out to interact with the Death Eaters," he corrected the poltergeist.

Said 'geist crooked his head thoughtfully at him.

"No?" he pouted. "But then, why didn't he step in any of my honey traps within the last two days?"

Albus choked.

 _Honey traps…_

The Headmaster opened his mouth – just to close it again with a snap. He... actually didn't want to know more about the usual interactions between his Potions Master and the poltergeist if he didn't have to...

Instead, Albus settled on another important part of Peeves' words.

"I asked him to go – but I never send him anywhere," he replied, ensuring he made a very clear distinction between what had happened and what Peeves had said.

Peeves blinked, his normally mocking face suddenly thoughtful.

In the end, he shook his head.

"You know, Headmaster," he said. "For a manipulator, you're actually a very bad liar."

Albus spluttered.

"I'm not a manipulator, Peeves!" He replied immediately. "And certainly not a liar!"

Peeves just looked at the Headmaster as if butter wouldn't melt on his tongue.

"Oh," he said. "So you didn't manipulate the magical world to see you as a hero when you're nothing but a cheat?"

"I'm–!"

"A bad manipulator, a worse cheat, and the worst liar in history, I know," Peeves said while nodding with his whole body. "One would think that one like you had a backbone hidden away somewhere – but I guess, that's all just part of the myth you created for yourself..."

"I'm not a cheat, Peeves!" And for the first time in a long while there was anger and a magical pressure in the Headmaster's words.

"My bad," Peeves said. "Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus, wasn't it, Headmaster?"

Then he snickered.

"But then, with your beard, I guess 'goat' would be the better word, wouldn't it?" Peeves cackled. "Poor goat, trying to be a dragon!"

"Peeves!"

But before Albus could actually think of a spell to banish the bothersome poltergeist, the door opened and the Potions Master stepped in.

He stopped the second he had entered, sighed and then closed his eyes resigned.

"How did it go again, Peeves?" Snape said, actually sounding tired after his first three days of spying. "If you're the smartest person in the room, get out of there?"

Peeves cackled and patted the Potion's Master's head before he could escape.

"Exactly, Your Battiness," he agreed, cackled again and then vanished out of the door. "You're absolutely right!"

xXx

 _ **"My**_ _dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a_ _ **ghost."**_

xXx

The stone.

The ring of the Gaunts was the last of the Deathly Hallows.

It was his escape – his way to the truth…

"Don't," he murmured to himself. "Don't… the ring isn't for you –"

" _One would think that one like you had a backbone hidden away somewhere – but I guess, that's all just part of the myth you created for yourself..."_

He reached out to take the ring, because how else could he ever show his backbone to the world?

xXx

 _ **Sometimes you lose the battle...**_

" _You knew it would end here, didn't you Peeves? You always knew I wouldn't gain what I wanted and that I would die trying..."_

" _Ah...should that have been a secret, Headmaster?"_

" _...You know, if you hadn't been here, I might not have reached for the stone to fulfil my arrogant wishes."_

" _Oh, no, Headmaster, you can't blame me for falling into my trap – you had a choice, after all."_

 _xXx_

 _o_

 _xXx_

" _ **Supposedly**_ _the most dangerous of all dragon breeds, the Hungarian Horntail has black scales and is lizard-like in_ _ **appearance."**_

xXx

"Headmaster! You left! You didn't even warn me and you left! Do you have any idea what is happening right now in this school while you're–"

"Severus." The man in the mirror interrupted the Potions Master's rant, obviously not too bothered by the fact that the other man's face looked ready to explode. "How are you, my boy?"

The dark eyes of the Potions Master narrowed immediately.

"Oh, I'm _splendid_ , Headmaster," he replied, sarcasm coating his words like bitter honey. "With the whole school slowly turning into a madhouse, there's no way that I could have ever been better!"

"Severus," the former Headmaster of Hogwarts sighed at that. "The school –"

"Needs you here, Headmaster – even if it's just to keep Potter from inviting the Dark Lord in for tea!" Snape replied sharply.

"Harry would never–"

"Your golden boy would go and look for a hidden entrance, open it and leave it for my former master himself when nobody's here to stop him from doing it!" Snape countered. "We can be lucky that the school's still standing after you left it apparently two hours ago! If you don't return soon, I'm sure the only thing left will be rubble – or worse, ashes! If you have forgotten, you're the only one standing between the Dark Lord and ruin, after all!"

Instead of replying, the Headmaster sighed.

"Severus," he said, sounding far too patient for Snape's anger. "Have you actually ever thought about our school motto?"

Snape stared at the insane man in the mirror.

"Why should I –?"

"Well," the Headmaster said. "I have. Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus – Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon. I always wondered why the Founders decided to ensure that exactly this piece of advice would survive time..."

Snape opened his mouth to reply when suddenly the ground beneath his feet shook and an explosion could be heard from far away.

The next moment Peeves came hurling into the room, still cackling madly – just to stop and stare at the Headmaster in the mirror and the Potions Master in front of it.

"Oh," he said cackling. "The manipulator and the cheat! How nice to see you together again!"

Then his face turned thoughtful.

"I just wonder who is who?" he looked at Severus. "Are you the cheat? Or are you the manipulator? Or are you, Headmaster?"

"Peeves!" both of them bellowed, Snape's face thunderous and the Headmaster's not far behind.

"Ah," Peeves said, nodding wisely. "Definitely time to retreat. If I'm the smartest person in the room, I have to get out of there!"

Snape's face darkened further, but before he could even draw his wand, the poltergeist had already vanished through another wall, again cackling madly.

xXx

" _ **Oh,**_ _don't worry about 'em, Harry, they're seriously misunderstood creatures — Although, I have to admit that Horntail is a right nasty piece of_ _**work."**_

xXx

"That... that poltergeist! I want him banished!"

"I fear, that's impossible, Headmistress. The last time someone tried... well, let's say it didn't end well," Snape replied and walked by calmly while a certain poltergeist drew golden dragon eyes all over the left wall of the Great Hall...

xXx

 _ **Sometimes you lose the battle...**_

xXx

 **o**

 **xXx**

 _ **"Haven't**_ _you been complaining about [Peeves] for the last quarter-century? Go and fetch him, at_ _ **once!"**_

xXx

Peeves was standing on one of the wooden beams in the Great Hall, watching the chaos from above. Just minutes before he had been in the staircase throwing Snargaluff plants at the Intruders.

 _ **"The**_ _Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us_ _ **Prefects."**_

 _ **Draco…**_

xXx

Before that, the poltergeist led some Death Eaters on a merry chase around Ravenclaw Tower.

" _Why do you even listen to me? It's not as if I could hurt you."_

" _Ah, my dear Baron – but what would be the fun of it if I told you?"_

 _ **Draco Dormiens...**_

xXx

Now, Peeves was up in the air – far too high to be seen – while he watched the battle raging on beneath him.

The students were dying.

And Peeves... _hated_ it.

xXx

" _Where did Peeves come from, Hermione?"_

" _Oh, he basically came with the building – and even the Founders couldn't get rid of him."_

 _ **Draco Dormiens...**_

xXx

And Peeves couldn't help but continue to hate it even when the Dark Lord retreated and asked for Potter instead.

xXx

 _ **"Oooh,**_ _Crackpot's feeling cranky. What is it this time, my fine Potty friend? Hearing voices? Seeing visions? Speaking in -_ _ **tongues?"**_

 _ **Draco Dormiens...**_

xXx

Then the Dark Lord returned, with the boy's body in the half-giant's arms – and he himself brandishing his wand at the students again...

But this time around... this time around something was different.

xXx

" _Do you know that the Hungarian Horntail has yellow eyes and black scales?"_

" _I saw it, Hermione – and if that book doesn't say how I can defeat it, I'm not interested."_

 _ **Draco Dormiens...**_

xXx

There was fire in the air in front of Peeves.

There were chains – normally held by the unknowing Headmaster or Headmistress of Hogwarts – all around Peeves. Held by the Headmaster who had died in the Shrieking Shack less than a few hours ago...

xXx

" _YOU are the cheat, Peeves! You always cheat! Whatever you do – you never do something without lying for your own benefit!"_

" _Of course I don't, Your Snarkiness – I'm not called the biggest liar in the universe for nothing!"_

" _Liar? Manipulator, I'd say! And don't tell me I'm wrong! You were the one who manipulated me into acting against the Headmaster after all!"_

" _Ah – but where would have been the fun if you stayed a sheep, Your Battiness?"_

 _ **Draco Dormiens…**_

xXx

From one moment to the next, something snapped deep inside of Peeves.

xXx

" _We can't control him, Godric – not for forever."_

" _We don't have to. We just have to bind the old manipulator in a way that he can't cheat himself out of his bindings..."_

 _ **Nunquam...**_

xXx

The moment the Potter brat returned to his fight with the Dark Lord and a Death Eater reached out to cut down a third-year Ravenclaw, Peeves acted.

xXx

" _Has anybody ever asked you why you have orange eyes?"_

" _No, little firsties... why? Do you want to know?"_

" _Yes!"_

" _Ah! That's because they actually should be yellow like a Horntail's – but the entrapped fire within me changed them orange in the end."_

 _ **Nunquam...**_

xXx

His golden eyes on the girl, water balloons bombed the Death Eater, trenching him in water that caught fire just a second later.

Then exploding dung bombs, thrown tooth brushed and even more fire started to rain down on the rest of the intruders.

"Peeves!" One of the Death Eaters screamed. "Stop it or I will banish you!"

Peeves cackled.

"Ah!" He said. "Normally I'd say to myself 'If you're the smartest person in the room, get out of there' at a point like this..."

He cackled again.

"But I guess, this time I have to change my motto to one I normally don't say aloud," his grin broadened. "But then, I guess you know, don't you?"

"What?" The Death Eater asked confusedly while jumping aside so that one of the water balloons barely missed him.

Peeves stopped throwing things and instead looked thoughtfully up in the air as if he had forgotten.

The Death Eater immediately saw his chance and brandished his wand towards the poltergeist, a spell to destroy the 'geist on his lips.

 _ **Nunquam!**_

 _Cheater._

 _Manipulator._

Peeves grinned maliciously.

"Sometimes," he said, ice suddenly visible in his eyes while the spell bounced harmlessly off of him. "You lose the battle... but mischief always wins the war!"

 _ **Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus!**_

The Death Eater fell to the ground, dead.

xXx

" _Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus – Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon. I always wondered why the Founders decided to ensure that exactly this piece of advice would survive time..."_

xXx

When Potter finally finished the Dark Lord, the only ones standing were the defenders.

Bubbles made of more than just soap downed Death Eaters in dozens. Fire – worse than even Fiendfyre – destroyed them and who knows how many drowned on their way when the air they breathed suddenly turned into water...

 _And Peeves?_

Peeves was standing on the wooden beams in the great hall, juggling water balloons and singing.

" _ **We**_ _did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the One,"_

The cheater.

" _And Voldy's gone mouldy, so now let's have some_ _ **fun!"**_

The manipulator.

xXx

 _ **Sometimes you lose the battle. But mischief always wins the war…**_

xXx

 _Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus_ – but then, who was stupid enough to tickle a sleeping dragon?

xXx

xXxXxXxXxXxManipulatorxXxXxXxCheatxXxXxXxXxCheatxXxXxXxXxManipulatorxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 _Well, I guess I'm in a totally different story this time around … xDD_

 _I hope you liked it!_

 _Ebenbild_


End file.
